Frequent refusals of a spouse from intimacy will not please anyone, and even more so during pregnancy, when a woman is especially in dire need of love, intimacy and confirmation of her attractiveness. How to be? We will understand the reasons for the refusal and how to solve the problem. How do you respond to women’s complaints that a man does not want to have sex with his pregnant wife, fiancee or companion? Of course, from him pregnant, because hostility during pregnancy from another man would just be quite understandable. And pregnant by mutual consent, and not against his will. So how do you react to such statements? Most immediately start scolding men for nothing. Is it necessary? Let’s figure it out now.
Reasons – a wagon and a small cart
Why do men refuse sex? You know, my ears, as they say, are on the top of my head. I love eavesdropping on men talking to friends of the same gender. Oh, how much I learned from there! It was ugly, of course, to eavesdrop, but the information was worth a small kick from the conscience. So, often future fathers talk about the pregnancy of their beloved and their unwillingness to have sex. And do you know how they argue it? Do you think the first item is disgust for the mother of your child? Damn it with two.
1) Fear of harming the child. This is what scares them the most. Frankly speaking, most of us have no idea what happens to the female body and the baby during pregnancy. Knowledge is scarcely limited to superficial information from school lessons. Men are simply afraid to do something wrong, which will ultimately cause pain or (God forbid) long-term harm to the baby. 2) Fear of harming a woman. And this phobia also takes place, slightly yielding to the first point. The reasons are the same – ignorance of physiology. 3) Fatigue from work. In the Slavic countries, gender equality was clearly not heard. Many people to this day piously believe in the myth that a man is the main breadwinner, that he must support his family while his wife is pregnant and on maternity leave after childbirth. This is perceived as a fact not only by women, but also by many men. Few couples think about doing according to foreign traditions: first, save money for at least the first years of a child’s life, and then get pregnant. What do we end up with? Hunted like a plow horse, a man who is desperately trying to provide for: himself, his wife, baby. And sometimes even his parents and his wife’s parents. A man is not a robot for you, he cannot plow for days, and then still gush with sexual desire. Of course, this is where conflicts begin . 4) Psychological stress. So, we add: fears of harming the wife and child, fatigue at work, here we add news on TV, from which depression begins even among optimists. We form a fear of the future, and now a person lives in constant nervous tension. If he wants sex, huh? Would you like it yourself under constant stress? That’s the same … 5) Unkempt wife. Lose your hands already? Yes, I also heard such a point, they will not lie. But he had a context: it’s not a growing tummy, but the unwillingness of some women to take care of themselves. Now they will throw tomatoes at me, but I am also a woman and I have something to say on this topic. My little dears, the fact that you have ringed a man and carry his child under your heart does not mean that you can turn into a hysterical Kolobok, score on your appearance and demand admiration for yourself. No, of course, I want it to be so. But this will not be the case in most cases. There are men who love their companions for their soul, for their character, and they do not care about their appearance. But we charm many guys with our looks. So, when we forget about appearance, men are quite reasonably disappointed. And who is to blame? We? They? In my opinion, everyone here is mowing.
Don’t jump to conclusions
In fact, there are many more reasons for not wanting to have sex – everyone has their own. It is common for all people (not just women) to look for the causes of discord in relationships without discussing them. We think something out to ourselves, trying to explain the behavior of a partner that is unpleasant for us. What first comes to mind when a man refuses sex? We decided for ourselves that a man is a walking alpha male who needs only one thing from a woman – sex-sex-sex. And if he does not want him, then either something is wrong with him, or the woman does not cause sexual desire. We add pregnancy here and now ladies’ tears have poured down with well-thought-out conclusions: “I’m fat, he doesn’t love me, he’ll leave us and go to another!” Let’s go without it, eh? We are not mentalists , not psychics, and it is not up to us to decide what is in a person’s head. Come up and ask what the matter is. Do not fantasize, do not wind yourself up.
Don’t do nonsense
You know, I would never have believed in such stories if I had not observed them personally. Fearing the loss of a man, some women begin to take the most vibrant actions that do not help the cause at all. For example, they run around fortune-tellers, buy some herbs for conspiracies, put candles in the church. But they don’t talk to their husbands. What for? They did everything “necessary”: consulted the compatibility horoscope and visited the hereditary witch and grandniece of Wanda. It was sarcasm, but in fact it’s not funny. The problem must be resolved wisely, and not suffer from nonsense, wasting forces uselessly.
Have a productive conversation
A key ingredient in a long and productive relationship is the ability to talk and hear each other. There is no need to turn away to the wall and sob until morning in the hope that he will guess what trouble is gnawing at you. Discuss the problem directly, but not clumsy. There are stages in the construction of a conversation.
1) Make a conversation plan. Many (men do this too) start important conversations from afar, make some hints that they only understand, and then wonder why they are not understood. This is followed by grievances, accusations, and hanged tones. Nothing good in the end. To avoid this, sketch out a conversation plan. First, you will articulate a thought clearly, and second, thinking helps to cope with strong emotions. You will speak calmly, confidently and without hysterics. 2) Choose a place and time. The best time to talk is when there is time for this conversation. No need to start long conversations before bed or when your partner is in a hurry to work. Do not talk about important things while eating. It is better to discuss the problem one-on-one, without calls and SMS. At home, for example, or on a walk (well-fed, rested) we start talking heart to heart. 3) See a family counselor. If for some reason it is impossible to have a normal conversation, the situation does not change, the man is playing something, then you should think about a visit to a specialist in family matters. There are many important advantages: this way you show that the relationship is dear to you; the observer can see better from the outside what the trouble is; the consultant has real experience. Frankly, refusing to have sex in marriage during pregnancy is an unoriginal nuisance, so an expert in the matter will really suggest sensible solutions. Minus one – visits will cost a pretty penny. But here you need to think: what is more important? A strong and happy family or a couple of hundred, which is not difficult to postpone from a monthly salary? If greed is choking, find free consultations.
Pregnancy is troublesome, surges of hormones, not always a good mood, fatigue. Sometimes you want to hammer on yourself: to give up exercises, gorge on snacks, not to watch your clothes, and so on and so forth. But why so? If you are 100% sure that the refusal to have sex is caused by your unassuming appearance, then take care of yourself. Pregnancy is not synonymous with ugliness. Watch your diet, exercise, dress up. Some celebrities are just marvelous examples of how a pregnant woman can look sexy. Explore seductive maternity outfits, learn to shape your figure. PS Appeal to men! I quite categorically turned to women, and now I want to say a couple of “gentle” words to men. Dear future dads, are you completely freaked out? Since you have matured so much that you have learned how to make children, so be adults in relationships with women. Please turn on your heads and think about how the woman you love reacts to rejections. She is hurt and offended, Christmas tree sticks. And the upset feelings of the mother are harmful to the child. Deal double damage. Shame on you? Well, they ran at a run to hug, kiss and love the woman who carries your child under the heart. And talk to your loved ones, do not be silent, explain what your problem is. Be considerate of each other and remember that relationships require efforts from both partners. I wish you happiness, healthy kids and love.