How to achieve harmony in an intimate life?

The President’s sex life began immediately after the Time program. The President, attentively listening to the weather forecast, jumped from his personal chair, curved his back in an arc, fluffed his tail and impressively retired to the balcony. A three-kilogram Siberian cat with cunning eyes, a huge mustache and bitten in numerous fights with rivals ears went to night fishing. On the balcony, the President sat on the railing, then he aimed for a long time and, finally, having decided, he jumped onto the concrete wall. By some miracle, making his way along the seam between the panels, he fell onto the roof of the balcony, from where he could give his hand (or, more precisely, with his paw) to the attic.
After a while, a cat concert began, in which the solo part undoubtedly belonged to the President. At first I heard invoking meow: – I’m already here, come, girls, to a party.
Then terrible notes appeared: – Nobody called for you, the cat Vasily from the next entrance, but since he came, get it. This was followed by untranslatable feline slang, the tone went into the supersonic region and … The whole staircase with bated breath watched whose take this time. The president rarely lost. He was ready to sacrifice everything: tassels on his ears, pieces of his magnificent Siberian wool, scratched nose and stripped tail for a few minutes of pleasure after the battle. The pleasure came from several rather unsightly cats, constantly living in the area of ​​garbage cans. In the attic, they came down the stairs, which for some reason was not locked in a large barn castle.

Having defeated another rival in a fierce battle, the President, spitting out pieces of wool, chose another passion for himself, and they modestly retired to the black attic wilderness. The entrance, envious, fell asleep.
Early in the morning, a strong slap was heard, a pot of flowers flew to the floor, and the husband, opening the door of the balcony, uttered a sacramental phrase: “Some are lucky !” Then both went to bed. Kotyara immediately chopped off and others until the evening. The husband gave free rein to his hands for some time, nozzles, puffed, then, not having achieved his goal, turned his back and was chopped off to the dawn of the alarm clock. In the morning I made coffee, made an omelet with croutons, fed the children in front of the school and my husband before going to service. At the same time, she did everything possible so as not to step on the President, who had the habit of resting after a night shift right on the threshold of the kitchen. Then she ran to work.

Our sex life, unlike the intimate life of a cat, has come to a complete standstill. Ten years of marriage brought the relationship between the sexes to full automatism. On weekdays, both, exhausted at work, fell asleep immediately after laying the children. The weekend was devoted to capital cleaning, a trip to parents and to the supermarket for groceries. “Five minutes a week, ” the husband, putting down the calculator, looked at me with longing in his eyes. – Good for the Japanese. Their wives give them money from the family budget and send their faithful to the geisha. Svetik, I can’t do that anymore. Come on, get me a mistress. “A frying pan over your head, Leshka, not a mistress, ” I went to the mirror and thought. A disheveled person in an old dressing gown, staring impudently at me, could only be liked by a submariner who returned to the port after a six-month voyage. The President, passing by, snorted disapprovingly and, going to her husband, began, rubbing his back in an arc, rubbing against his leg. He scratched the cat behind his ear. – Maybe we should read some books. Now there is nothing on the trays. The Kama Sutras are different. The guys at work told me that it’s still nice to watch erotica together by video. It is necessary to revive the relationship, otherwise a complete kayuk. “It’s easier to revive the Egyptian mummy,” I thought, continuing to examine the person who was becoming increasingly unpleasant to me in the mirror, and said in words: “Of course, dear. You run to the store for eroticism, and while I’ll clean up the apartment. “Why run away, everything is already in stock, ” the husband fussed. – Here, take a look. I looked through the “Playboy” with beautiful photographs of ugly, in my opinion, women. – You better show the President, personally these pictures do not inspire me. – With the President, we looked at everything yesterday. – That’s just today, he only came home in the evening. No, Lesha, let’s come up with something else. Husband thought, carefully rubbing the lobe of his right ear. His face brightened. – There is! In an old Italian film, I saw a couple with the same problems as ours making love in the most unexpected places. And, as a result, we lived together until old age … – And they died on the same day, – I could not resist. -Ulcer, you are Sveta. Imagine. You and I are parachuting, and while we soar in free fall, I am harassing you. “Better in the morning on a crowded tram, ” I developed the theme. – Or near the monument to Pushkin. “What does Pushkin have to do with it, ” Alexey got angry. – It is decided – we go to the cinema. It is dark and cozy. Remember how in youth you always went to the movies to kiss. That’s it, I ran for tickets, and you quickly get a marafet. And then lahudra-lahudra. There was no time left for objections. The old French comedy with Pierre Richard gathered less than half of the hall. We, being late to the beginning, made our way through the dull grunt of a few spectators. “We should have taken the last row, ” I said. – In youth, we always kissed on the last row. Okay, where to start. At this point, the back began to unfold a chocolate bar and crackled popcorn. – Young people, – Lesha rose from his chair, – Stop the noise, you stop people from having a cultural rest. My husband’s hand fell on my knee. – Svetik, is that you? – No, Marilyn Monroe. Wait, honey. I forgot something. It is urgent to powder the nose. And I, trampling the feet of others, disappeared for five minutes. Nothing, I think, let him insist. The transition from light to darkness is always accompanied by a complete loss of vision. Therefore, I made the return trip to the touch. Flopping down on the seat, I took my husband’s hand and, putting it again on my lap, whispered to Lesha in the ear: “Take me, dear, right here.” Honestly, I have not told this story to anyone else. It was not bad that I mixed up the row. It was bad that the man, near whom I accidentally landed, watched a movie with his wife. I don’t know how their sexual life developed in the future, but the fact that after this cult trip we completely fell apart is a fact. It was necessary to do something. And I came up with.

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