More and more often I hear complaints from friends and acquaintances in long-term relationships that they lack sex with their husbands (official or civil, it doesn’t matter). A similar trend can be traced in women’s forums. A dozen years ago, rejection of intimacy under the pretext of a headache was exclusively a ladies’ prerogative, and today girls have become much more active in the field of erotic games.
The sources of the problem vary from case to case. Some men are undermined by stress, other representatives of a strong half of humanity are dissatisfied with life (faced with a midlife crisis), others are fed up with their partners, and still others are close to impotence. As practice shows, everyday life ruthlessly kills the libido.
Why doesn’t your husband want you?
Before giving specific recommendations and paints to paint techniques for seducing a spouse, it is necessary to shed light on the true reasons for a decrease in sexual desire in men. Let’s immediately rule out erectile dysfunction, in which there is a desire to make love, but there is no physical opportunity. I will take only those cases when the partner deliberately avoids intimacy and he does not have difficulties with an erection, for example, he is aroused when watching porn and stimulating erogenous zones.
1. A tense family environment
Constant conflicts, lack of heart-to-heart talk and groundless arguments are signs of family problems. Over the years of life together, grievances and mutual claims accumulate. A man may feel hurt and punish you by denying you the right to have regular sex.
2. Fear of appearing intrusive
Libido levels fluctuate with age. The peak of sexual activity in men is at 17-22 years old, and in women at 30-35 years old. If earlier you wanted less often and often “sinned” with refusals, then your spouse has a deep-rooted fear of appearing intrusive. It is quite possible to rid him of the guilt complex; it is enough to show a little interest in him .
3. You have changed
Let’s face it, the girl on the first date is radically different from the fine looking married matron. Childbirth leaves an indelible imprint on your appearance, from banal stretch marks to extra pounds gained due to hormonal disruption. Plus, the years take their toll: the chest sags, the face becomes covered with wrinkles, and so on and so forth. I do not urge to go under the surgeon’s knife in an effort to preserve youth, however, you do not need to run yourself. Men may not notice cellulite, but unwashed hair and greasy bathrobe discourage any desire to have sex.
4. Lack of care and praise
No matter how the guys try to pretend to be steel titans, deep in their hearts they remain fluffy cats. They enjoy affection, care, support. To be sure of the truth of my words, sincerely praise your spouse and appreciate his reaction. I give one hundred percent guarantee – his lips will spread out in the broadest smile, and his chest will stick out like a wheel. Scratch your cat behind the ear, stroke the fur, and in gratitude he will purr and crumple you with his paws.
5. Lack of variety
The man’s brain is designed in such a way that the same type, monotonous actions in bed sooner or later cause a negative response. The roots go back to our ancestors from the animal world. Females of most species mate with one male, usually the strongest member of the flock, possessing first-class genetic material. After fertilization, they keep other applicants away. It is important for the male to cover as many females as possible. In a long-term relationship, an ancient mechanism is triggered in men, they lose interest in their spouse.
15 tricks that will inflame his sensuality
1. Go outside the box
It can be argued indefinitely that the path to a man’s heart leads through the stomach, but in fact, guys are excited through the visual perception of the object of desire. They love to imagine the genitals of a potential partner, think about them and, of course, gaze intently. Nudity and hints of nudity will make the spouse fall into an erotic torpor and rethink the established stereotypes regarding the sexuality of a painfully familiar wife. Here is a list of ideas that are simple enough to execute:
- secretly lift your skirt for a couple of seconds and show him beautiful brand new panties or a naked, smooth-shaven pubis;
- in a public place, whisper in his ear that you have not put on underwear (whether it is true or not);
- invite your spouse to a cafe or cinema, go to the toilet, take off your panties, and when you return, carefully tuck them into your husband’s pocket;
- while in the car, take off your bra in the presence of your beloved and throw it on his lap;
- sitting in the passenger seat next to your spouse, put his hand on the inner side of your thigh and lift it up (I hope you understand that the underwear is superfluous in this case);
- if your chest allows, then wear things with a deep neckline and often bend over in front of your beloved;
- do the maneuver from the movie “Basic Instinct”, the classics always work flawlessly.
The main thing is not to be shy and behave confidently. Usually, people around do not pay attention to the couples that seem to be standard at first glance. Believe me, if you do not panic and blush, then no one, except your husband, will know about the lack of underwear.
2. Body in action
At home, you can behave more casually and relaxed. The presence of children will not interfere with the sexual revolution, send the offspring to grandmother for the weekend and start seducing your beloved spouse. Apply one of these provocative tricks:
- walk around the apartment naked or topless, as if you are fully clothed;
- buy a couple of sets of sexy lingerie in advance and arrange a fashion show in front of your husband, ostensibly to show off and find out his opinion about new clothes;
- Bring him breakfast to bed in one microscopic apron;
- prepare tiny canapes and undress in sync with eating them (your spouse eats a sandwich, and you throw something off yourself);
- without warning, lift your shirt (or T-shirt) and massage your chest for a couple of minutes, caress your nipples, and then pretend as if nothing happened;
- do yoga completely nude;
- take a picture of yourself naked (more close-ups) and discreetly upload the photos to his computer in a frequently viewed daddy (make sure that the pictures are not accidentally seen by work colleagues or other strangers);
- reconsider your home wardrobe, make a choice in favor of comfortable and at the same time sexy clothes.
3. Adult conversations
Your beloved man should know that you want him, so do not forget to tell him about it. Reintroduce phrases into everyday telephone conversations: “I love you”, “I look forward to your return”, “I want you strongly”. Gradually raise the degree, call him at work and say without a twinge of conscience: “I’ve been thinking about your penis all day, now I’m all wet” or “I dream to suck you right now.” Offer to have virtual sex, do not skimp on dirty and dirty words.
4. Unobtrusive touching
The penis and scrotum are the main erogenous zones of the male body, they are extremely sensitive to the slightest stimulation. If you are dining in a restaurant, it’s foolish not to use the cover of a long tablecloth and massage his penis with your foot. In transport, you can snuggle your booty against your partner’s genitals and lightly rub against them. At home, hug your spouse from behind, for example, when he washes the dishes, stroke his stomach and slide along the pubis. Always and everywhere touch the intimate places of your beloved.
5. Learn to sleep beautifully
Even the sexiest nightgown is not as tactile as your partner’s naked body. Train yourself to sleep naked, if you freeze – there will be a reason to snuggle closer to your spouse. At worst, put on your socks and replace the thin blanket with a warmer one. As you know, sexually active men have a morning erection. He will not be able to resist the temptation to make love with the beauty, languidly sniffing at his side, and you will have a chance to fall in love with morning sex.
6. Give him a show
Did you know that 98.4% of men would like to watch their wife masturbate? It seems to me that the remaining 1.6% of the respondents were simply ashamed to admit their desires in the questionnaire. You may not believe the statistics, but practice shows that observing self-satisfaction is extremely exciting. It is not for nothing that the category “Female masturbation” is one of the most popular on porn portals . Let your spouse “inadvertently” catch you doing this, and you invite him to enjoy the show or join the game.
7. Take off the porn
Watching adult videos creates the illusion of being involved in the action taking place on the screen. Guys are naturally more voyeuristic and there is no shame in that. Do not criticize your partner’s desire to spend a little time on specialized sites, with such draconian methods, you will only widen the gap that has formed between you. It is better to invite him to participate in a joint video of erotic content . Many men who complain about short intercourse tend to evaluate the footage immediately after sex. Seeing themselves in the lead role of a candid film, they get into a state of extreme excitement and are ready to repeat the scenes for an encore.
8. Bring novelty
Let’s brainstorm together. Imagine for a moment that you are forced to eat the same thing every day, for example, only foie gras and sturgeon caviar are served for breakfast, lunch and dinner . The first week you will feel like you are in a culinary paradise, but after a while you will start dreaming about dumplings with sour cream and homemade borscht . A similar picture is observed in sex with a regular partner.
Often, partners are limited to a couple of standard positions and stimulation techniques that have been proven over the years. At the starting point of a relationship, any manipulation by a loved one is perceived with a bang, but even the most delicious dishes become boring with repeated use. Here are a couple of tips to add variety to a fading hotbed of passion:
- I don’t know if there are still couples who make love in complete darkness, but just in case, I would advise you to turn on the illumination, but brighter ;
- sex does not tolerate a fixed schedule, make it a spontaneous phenomenon, the more unexpected coitus is, the better;
- purchase the Kamasutra and set a goal to go through 100 poses in 50 days;
- make a spectacular hairstyle in the bikini area (dye your hair, shave off a fancy pattern, if you have a bare pubis, then apply mihendi on it );
- take a trip to a local sex shop, check out the assortment on display, and buy a couple of devices. It is especially shy to visit the site and order home delivery. Each such store guarantees customers complete confidentiality;
- expand the theoretical and practical base, master the techniques of blowjob, petting , erotic massage to perfection , learn new types of sex, practice sensually undressing.
9. Don’t ask permission
The problem for most women is indecision and over-modesty. Do not ask permission to have sex as soon as a convenient moment turns up, take from your spouse what is due to you by right. Run your hands into his pants, massage your penis through the fabric of your underwear, when you get an erection, do not stop there. Some guys secretly dream of being “raped.” Another great move is to keep your spouse company in the shower or take a bath together.
10. Change the environment
If you are not a timid girl and are inclined to experiment, then you should try to change the scenery for a love show. Extreme conditions are not suitable for every couple, so it is better to start with a hotel room or sex in a car, gradually mastering more and more new locations. Unusual surroundings will stir your spouse, and the adrenaline rush will spur his libido.
11. Redefine your views
Over the years, the snowball of stereotypes grows to an immense size. Those things and ideas that were perceived in adolescence, at least without condemnation, become unacceptable and immoral at the age of 30-40 . For God’s sake, finally rip out your thinking from the era of the dark Middle Ages. Break the shackles and move to a qualitatively new level of consciousness. Reconsider your views on oral, anal and other types of sex, experience all the delights of BDSM. Transform into an anxious March cat.
12. Play forfeits
Sexologists recommend an exercise called Erotic Fants. The essence of the game is that the spouses write their innermost fantasies on separate sheets of paper, say, 10 pieces each. The papers are folded and put in a bag or, at worst, in a jar. Before each sexual intercourse, one note is extracted and the lovers follow the instructions exactly, fulfilling the wishes of the second half. Discuss controversial points in advance and set the limits of what is permissible. The main rule is that only spouses should participate in the game, so put off the fantasy of double penetration or watching a partner mate with a third person for a while.
13. Correct literature
Raise your cultural level by reading authoritative literature. I may disappoint you, but the classic treatises on the art of satisfaction are boring. The tests of the Kama Sutra, “Peach Branches” and “Tao of Love” are full of bombastic speeches and strange allegories, alien to the modern European. Give preference to books published since the middle of the twentieth century. The early works of sexologists are based on an insufficient practical basis, they are full of outright speculation and myths, so do not waste time on fables. Of the must-read books, I would single out Paul Joanidis ‘s The Bible of Sex . This impressive volume provides answers to the most frequently asked questions and comments from real people in simple language. Tracy Cox’s All About Sex is also a pretty good book, but it is more suitable for teenagers and completely notorious ladies.
14. Evenings of Revelation
Conversation is an integral part of intimacy. Have revelation evenings periodically. Sit side by side and discuss pressing issues. Remember, many sturdy yachts of marriage have crashed on an iceberg of icy silence. Ask your soul mate what he wants to see you in bed, what he wants to try, how he evaluates your sex life. Prepare a list of questions and go through any painful areas.
Certain foods can increase libido. Introduce almonds, olive oil, tuna, salmon, fresh herbs, seafood, honey into your man’s daily diet. Lack of magnesium and zinc also negatively affects sex drive, so cook more often pork liver, buckwheat porridge, legumes. Make sure that your spouse does not suffer from vitamin deficiency, make him drink a course of multivitamins twice a year.