To be able to say “no” without hurting a person and without feeling guilty is important: it’s enough to remember how we feel when we hear a refusal in response to confessions …
No matter how many ways there are to “go the distance” – funny and beautiful, cultural and original – the question of how to send off a guy you don’t like is relevant even for a self-confident girl.
How to send a person away in various everyday situations: culturally and beautifully in correspondence, a former and accidentally errant married man: we give some advice, talk about the secrets of a competent “lapel”, as well as some advice from men.
The art of a competent “lapel”
First you need to understand who we are talking about: in network correspondence, on the street or in a cafe, bar, club, you will behave differently than with an old friend who confessed to romantic feelings. In any of these behaviors, there must be courtesy, honesty and specificity.
A rare girl will refuse to flirt, but with a friend who accidentally fell into your network, flirting is inappropriate. The longer you delay or flirt, asserting yourself, the worse this game will turn out for both of you: broken hearts, remorse, guilt … In this delicate matter, unambiguous wording is important – even if from selfish motives. How beautiful to send off a guy who wants to meet:
- culturally;
- funny;
- intelligently;
- uncompromisingly, sharply.
Resort to the latter when other methods have not helped. Choose a behavior that is comfortable and natural for you and stick to it.
4 options in different circumstances
How to culturally refuse a guy
- They agreed to be busy: “I’m in a hurry,” etc.; “Not in the mood, sorry”; “I have a boyfriend/husband”; “I have a child”.
- Ask a stranger for a phone number, promise to call back and don’t keep your promise. Or dictate any set of numbers to him, the main thing is not to accidentally give the phone number of a friend. Or – give him the number of a person you don’t like.
- Ignore, don’t pay attention to tackles.
How to refuse a gentleman with humor
- Play a little crazy – in a good way, by calling on your acting skills.
- Be mercantile, start a conversation about money, his financial situation, react to the answers in such a way that he sees you as a prudent person.
- Talk about nothing, so that they see in you a superficial person with whom it is unlikely to be interesting. And even if in fact you are not like that, the main thing is to make sure that you are left behind.
- Talk about your family, albeit invented, inserting phrases: “Finally, my children will have a dad, they lack male influence so much …” This will cool the ardor of the boyfriend.
- Think of a sexual orientation for yourself: for example, I am a lesbian or transgender. It is unlikely that after hearing a man wants to continue communication.
- Answer in monosyllables, make it clear that he is superfluous here, and you are not looking for acquaintances. Even the most obsessive person does not want to be in a stupid position.
How to say no to an “ex” or married man
Admit it, you have been in a situation where, after meeting a man you like, it suddenly turns out that he has a family. If an affair with a married person is unacceptable for you, then there is only one way out:
Stop communicating immediately, without looking for special phrases.
Another frequent case is the need to send off a former young man who suddenly decided to return. It all depends on the nature of your relationship and parting: you can discourage him gently, you can – uncompromisingly and sharply.
For the first case, the following scheme is ideal: remember your past relationship with a kind word, but add that you are not sure about the future. Any arguments will come in handy, the main thing is to do it tactfully, without humiliating his dignity. The same scheme can be applied when it is necessary to refuse a close friend who confessed to romantic feelings.
You can quickly and categorically cut off communication by saying: “I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I don’t want to change him for someone else.”
How to culturally send a guy off in correspondence
Rejecting correspondence is the most convenient option. Do not write long messages listing all the reasons, choose one of these harmless options:
- “I realized that we are not a couple.”
- “I met another man.”
- “We have great communication, but as a couple we are not suitable for each other.”
Look “from the other side”: advice from the guys
A lot of materials have been written on how to gently send a guy off, they all represent a female perspective on the issue. It is all the more valuable to find out how men themselves advise to act in such cases.
- challenge him to a confidential conversation. Do not leave it in front of your friends or girlfriends, who are supposedly needed for moral support. Any relationship, even friendships, is a matter of two, and it is worth ending them without witnesses;
- be honest and sincere, do not get off with words like “It’s not about you, but about me”;
- be consistent. If a guy convinces you that it is better to keep the relationship and he is ready to do everything for this, do not give in if you are not going to give a second chance;
- make you hate for a while. This is a cruel option, but sometimes it is impossible otherwise;
- let him leave with dignity: you will still hurt, no matter what words you choose;
- Don’t start a new relationship until the old one is over. If after the breakup you quickly found another guy, make sure that the previous one does not know about it for a while.
Often, girls, wanting to soften the refusal, offer to remain friends, but few of the guys are able to find the strength to maintain such a format. In addition, you yourself will feel uncomfortable, hurting a person who meant a lot to you. If you send a guy off, then it’s better not to keep in touch with him.
A few “don’ts”: what not to do when parting
If you managed to delicately send a guy off, here are a few rules for further behavior:
- do not pour mud on him in front of mutual acquaintances. Let him not be shy in his statements addressed to you and take revenge, do not stoop to this level;
- do not give in to pity, no matter how much it hurts;
- don’t feel guilty about not liking him;
- do not settle for friendship if the man’s interest in you is still beyond its scope;
- do not give up hope, even if you yourself have not figured it out yet.
Perhaps one day you will see your soul mate in the person you refused. But right now it is not worth talking about vague prospects, deceiving yourself and him.
The methods that we talked about are universal, but not the only ones: life offers many situations when you need to send off a person that you don’t like for some reason.
Many girls who have had to do this have their own methods, born of improvisation, resourcefulness, momentary circumstances. If you have such friends, ask them to share their own experience – maybe it will come in handy.